Legalize Victimless Crimes #3: Prostitution

Before I start, let me make clear: I have never used the services of a prostitute, an escort, or a masseuse who offered a happy ending. I have gone to a strip club once, and found it incredibly boring. Mind-numbingly so.

I blogged about drug use and gambling and now I want to talk about prostitution. When I first wrote this essay over a year ago, I was a lot more certain of my position on this one. Yes, even I, fount of all knowledge in the universe, re-think my positions from time to time. And this is why:

I am no longer certain we can make sure that prostitution is completely a victimless crime.

But, let's forge ahead nonetheless. Probably the most controversial of the three because it involves (gasp) sex (gasp) and that seems to send various people into frenzies of righteous condemnation.

But....consider it. Why should two consenting adults be prohibited from conducting a business transaction? I mean think about what IS legal now:

- It is legal for a person to take off all their clothes while being ogled by others in a bar.

- It is legal for people to have sex for money as long as there's a camera present. If there's no camera, then and only then is it illegal. HUH?

- It is legal to pay two men or two women to beat each other to a pulp in a boxing ring

But it is illegal for two people of any gender to pay each other to have sex. This makes no sense.

Nevada has legalized prostitution in rural counties. So has - and I didn't know this until I wikipedia'd it - Rhode Island (Rhode Island????? WTF?). So have the UK, Canada, Denmark, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, France, Finland, Estonia, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium, Germany, the Czech Republic, Mexico (in various areas), Australia, and New Zealand. None of these places has fallen into ruin, despair, or moral degredation. Except perhaps Rhode Island. But seriously. Las Vegas has a lower crime rate than Brunswick, Georgia, as stated in my last post.

Think about some benefits here. Ladies, do you want to be accosted by pervs in bars or on online dating sites? Prostitutes will take care of them. Those men that would not use prostitutes, how do you like the 500 players for every woman out there? Care to cut down on some competition? Men who would use prostitutes as outlets: whatever they charge, I guarantee it's less than you cads are paying now to take a woman out to dinner, drinks, a movie, and some other event, and then have her say "sorry, not interested."

Yeah, I know someone out there is going to say "but prostitution would ruin marriage" but think about it, do you really think driving it underground is going to keep your pervert of a husband from straying? And if he has an affair, which is worse, him doing it with a prostitute or his secretary at work?

What about these maniacs who are trafficking in prostitute slavery?
Yes, I know, these people are scumbags and part of the problem is that the prostitutes can't go to the authorities because what they are forced to engage in is a crime. Last time I looked it was still illegal to enslave someone or keep them against their will, so that really is the crime here.

However, this is the sticking point for me (okay, so it's a double entendre, YOU try writing a blog on prostitution and see how far YOU get without making jokes that would make Beavis and Butthead cringe). What with illegal aliens and lack of economic safety nets, a lot of women might be forced into prostitution not by slavers or human traffickers, but just because of economic necessity.

And I'm definitely not cool with that.

What about sexually transmitted diseases?
That's where regulation comes in. I would think that any local health care inspection program should be offset by taxing the crap out of the people who would hire prostitutes. This is how it works in at least the Netherlands and Germany and Nevada. Each prostitute has to get a regular checkup. They pay taxes (as do their clients) just like everyone else. Number of prostitutes tested for AIDS that came back positive in the Netherlands and Germany? Zero.

Oh, and that means we get even more tax revenues. Just like with gambling and drug decriminalization.

I don't need to see prostitutes on street corners.
I don't either. Again, most of the localities that have decriminalized it do not allow "curb crawling". What they do allow is bordellos or escort services or massage parlors. Again, no one under 18 should be involved on either side. Allow cities to zone certain areas too, if they want.

Ever watch COPS? Yeah, I know they bust people who are grade A morons on that show. But think about it. Most people they bust are because some guy has a marijuana brownie in his car or some gal has a rock of meth or some idiot is trying to pick up a hooker. Yes, this is your tax dollars at work. Keeping the republic safe from.....losers. Yeah, no thanks.

Disclaimer: The original blog this essay was based on included a proposal to simply outlaw pimping and make free-lance prostitution legal. This was disputed by an actual prostitute and the head of the Erotic Service Providers Union (yeah, I know, they have their own union now, and you thought the AFL-CIO was bad) who replied and made compelling arguments that pimps and madams should be legalized as well if prostitution was itself legalized.

Still, I'm in the process of rethinking this whole position, and I'm not comfortable with legalization at this point. If you have pragmatic thoughts about it, let me know. I'm not really interested in a debate about the morality of it all since I don't think we should legislate morality.